so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
