I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
