Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
