I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
This toilet bowl is my home.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
