can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I can text with my tongue
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
