Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
