I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
