I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
