I bet he comes in French.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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