I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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