There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
