If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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