saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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