So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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