my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have fence marks all over my body
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
