I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
