does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
