is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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