Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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