I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize