I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
is it fun? or sober?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
