problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
