she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
