I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
