You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
