On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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