she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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