I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
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I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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