Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
