every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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