Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
