90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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