its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
