Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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