put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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