people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
