Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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