One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.