i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.