I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Someone shattered a urinal.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
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School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes