Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?