I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.