Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
