walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
