you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
