Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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