Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
