Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
please don't ironically join a cult
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