is your mom at the bar?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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