My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I need to calm my uterus...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
