I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
