Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
