i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
