oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
