All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is Oprah even human
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
