I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
