1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
