So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
