Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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