She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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