He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
