Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
